Humor me

I’m no fan of fat jokes. They can be mean, and discriminatory. But sometimes I just go along and do a fat-bashing myself, especially if it refers to me. Self-incrimination is my one brand of humor, and I think it shows a level of maturity since I can show indifference to and seem unaffected by these fat tirades. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.  

A little humor does help. Being jolly is an attribute strongly associated with fat or heavy boned (oh come on stop being polite!) individuals like myself. And clearly, I don’t deviate from this stereotype.

Sometimes, though, it’s nice to put one on someone, especially if you’re on the verge of being incriminated as a fatty. This happened years ago, when I was at my heaviest (about 200 lbs maybe). I was walking within the beauty section of SM when I saw the delight in a saleslady’s eyes upon seeing me. She quickly approached me and without wasting a second started to market her product’s strongest feature.

“Ma’am ang lotion po namin ay nakakatanggal ng taba. Ipapahid nyo lang ito sa problematic area, for example, yun pong tiyan natin. Sa gabi bago matulog, maglalagay lang tayo nang konti at imamasahe dito (pointing to her stomach. Bukas pag ka gising ninyo mararamdaman niyo agad ang epekto.” (Ma’am our slimmingblotion is proven to remove excess fat. Just apply on problematic area at night, and the next morning you will immediately feel the effect.)

I admit I got irked because I was immediately singled out as a fatty, amidst the many other customers milling around the area. Handing the lotion to me, she motioned me to try it out, to which gesture I quipped with a diva of a Celia Rodriguez stance, “Bakit, mataba ba ako?” (Why, am I fat?) Then she took a step back and said, “Ma’am hindi naman po.” (Not really ma’am.) To which I replied “E di wag mo ialok sa akin yan.” (Then don’t offer me the product.) She quickly apologized and I left with a grudge.

Of course, she was just doing her job. Thinking about it now, I think I should have just made a funny retort, or just slathered my tummy area with it and say, “Walang himala!” delivered ala-Nora Aunor in her characteristic underacting delivery. (There are no miracles! [- Ew!]) Perhaps at that time I had such poor self-esteem to pull off something with humor, anyway, this saleslady didn’t really mean harm.

The next time I find myself becoming the butt of fat joke, I’ll just tell myself, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Errrr.. small? “No big deal!” I think I like that better.